Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
