you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
