honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
try to milk me bitch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
