it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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