They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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