Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
