Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
