I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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