Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
