If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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