I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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