hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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