Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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