My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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