Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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