How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
