I'm lost and stupid without you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
