Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
