the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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