I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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