Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
