Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
