I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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