Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
