her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
