just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
