It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
