It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
