There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
