I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
