I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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