I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
