Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
