Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
