Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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