I CAN MOONWALK!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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