Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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