I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
