so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
