I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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