Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
