Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
