I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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