he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
