Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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