I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
