I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
