Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
