Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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