Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
