I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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