Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
