PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
false alarm, still single
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
