oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
