stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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