i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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