So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
