i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
