i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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