We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
where are you?
Hypothermia
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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