You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
