I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
