So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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