Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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