Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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