Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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