It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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