woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
