whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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