why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
