New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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