no, he came in my armpit
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
