She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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