Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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