why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
