Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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