tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
