he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
