Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
