So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
