I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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