I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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